By John Oz

Have you ever looked at that shiny new 17 link dream machine in your local shop and wondered "Man, I wish that bike came in Barbie pink?". Do you fantasize about a frame that resembles those magically delicious colored marshmallows from you morning bowl of Lucky Charms? Maybe you sit in your cubicle all day pondering your fetish for purple singing dinosaurs. Wouldn't it be great to express your true feelings to all your bros you ride with? Well playas, I'm here to show you how to truly spice up that drab whip and make it really something fabulous by showing you the ins and outs of "Ghetto Paint Jobs".

You are probably thinking to yourself that custom paint is really expensive…well it is. But I'm here to tell everyone that you don't need to have a grip of loot, a masters in fine arts, or 20 years experience as an auto body technician to get a truly good looking, "professional" finish. All you need is a bike (I'm using my new $1500 Enduro SX frame), some masking tape, an old newspaper and finally........less than $5 for a can of spray paint.

Oz

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User since: Jun 8, 2004

Step 1 - Purchase your poison....

This step is fairly easy. Pick something that is bright, obnoxious and something nobody would ride….kinda like those baby blue Intense frames. I chose "Candy Pink" for this job. Kinda reminds me of cotton candy….mmmm, so yummy. I honestly think it will fade rather nicely with the stock doo-doo brown anodization that this frame has. My advice is to live it up a little and get weird. When I was standing in the aisle I found myself truly torn between this color and peach...... worse comes to worse, I can always re-spray it!

Remember that professional powder coating is hella expensive (couple hundred minimum); but Krylon isn't. I purchased my dope rattle can for $3.65 at Home Cheapo. For the same price as a "snobby" custom powder coating job, you can literally paint your bike the entire spectrum of jumbo box of crayons and have some coin left over for a case of beer. But you say you are totally piss broke and the purse strings are cutting off your circulation; no problemo..... your local Walmart or Big Lots sells some killer cheap paint for roughly a buck a can. That's right, a buck....you can barely get something at Taco Bell for a buck. If durability is a factor consider construction marking paint…. totally your ticket if you're a hacker on the trail....And it can be yours for only a few bucks more. The stuff goes on thick as honey and will last forever.

Step 2 - Frame Prep... To mask or not to mask?

This step is truly optional. My BMX bikes rarely have any parts removed, with the exception of the chrome rear wheel. Remember…precision spraying is the key here....handle that can like a samurai warrior. My idea of frame prep is simple; if I can't normally take it off in a few minutes on the trail it's just way too much work. Disconnecting the cables and masking off a few parts with newspaper and tape is how I roll. I rarely remove bearings and forget about the rear shock, that's way outta my league......I just spray around it. Remove the wheels, yank out the post and saddle (unless you want to paint em to match) and cover anything that you don't want over spray on. If you want that true "Pro Team Only" look with color coordinated bar, fork, and stem….spray it all at once. Sticker removal is optional at this point. Other possible items to consider for removal are dirt, oil and grease. I kinda got lucky on this one because the frame was fresh outta the box. Notice how I taped the headset but used my daughters beat ass Little Mermaid towel to mask the back end. Ran out of newspaper but the towel worked mint.

Step 3 - Paint booth?

I generally paint my bikes in very clean and sterile environments such as outside on a windy day or in my dusty workshop next to all my woodworking equipment. Also, I don't sweat the lighting because my garage only has a single 60 watt bulb and I'm too lazy to get a droplight. I'm kinda tall so I generally hang the bike on a piece of rope or old coat hanger. I've used scraps of Romex wiring, old neckties and in this instance; some old starter rope from my lawnmower…..whatever works. If you're a woodchuck like me and have a clothesline in your backyard you can create an assembly line and have a frame painting party. Live in a condo; don't worry.....find an abandoned parking lot or pick up a carpet scrap and spray it in your kitchen laying down on the ground (this alternative step sometimes leaves a cool forensic style outline). You can also just hold the bike by hand and spray it straight up.....that's straight up hood.

Step 4 - Priming way overated....

The directions on the can suggest primer....in my opinion that's like flushing $3 down the drain. The only way I use primer is if I want some wak flat grey color to make my bike look stolen. Your bike hopefully already has paint.......that's like primer in my book. Sanding is also a waste...way to many nooks and crannies on most bikes. The only real surface prep I do is to make sure that most of the heavy dirt and oil is wiped off. I generally spray all weather so I am not too concerned with humidity or temps.....it can only add to the overall character if the paint happens to "orange peel" or "fish eye". Also, sticker removal is really optional at this point......you can always throw new ones over the old ones. Some frame stickers are just too damn big and that's time that could be spent doing something constructive like napping or watching TV. Now you are ready to paint.

Step 5 - Get your spray on...

I spray paint like a kid bombing graffiti on a highway bridge...... quick and thick! Runs, drips and finger prints can only add to the street cred of the finished job. If it looks really cruddy, just re-spray it. Don't get all hung up on techniques, just spray. Back, forth, up, down, close, far......Look at the crap Jackson Pollock painted. Whatever method gets the paint from can to bike is fine for me. Another thing; I believe that over spray is highly underrated and under appreciated. It can sometimes add some cool color in other areas or on other things within range. In this case I happened to get some paint on a neighboring road bike and a brand new ladder. Right now my Fox DHX 5.0 has a cool pink haze to it and my rear tire has a few pink spots.

Step 6 - Dry before you fly....

I generally wait about 15 minutes or so before I start putting parts on and roughly an hour or two before I ride. Yeah I know the can says wait like a day or two……but spray paint dries hella fast. In a rush?.......grab your old lady's hair dryer and hit it off real quick or wait to paint on a killer hot day. Last but not least decorate your new steez with some kool stickers. My choice for this project is a Crankfire jammie, a sticker from my boys skate shop and a hot Britney Spears joint I got from a gumball machine a while back.

Now go get your spray on........

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